Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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