gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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