we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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