and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
