He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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