I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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