It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
