hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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