oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize