This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize