her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
