what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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