I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
