come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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