oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
