Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
