Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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