TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
