I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize