did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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