We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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