You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
