why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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