I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
