Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize