You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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