Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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