If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize