You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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