return my video game
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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