I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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