She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
