I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
