someone threw a dead crab at me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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