I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
