Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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