i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
