My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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