We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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