you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
