he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
