what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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