using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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