I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
