I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
