i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
