I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it because I queefed?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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