Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
