Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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