i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
