Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize