I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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