I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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