You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
