That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
