Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
