i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
