I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
