super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
