I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
