Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
