I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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