happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
