My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
