I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Damn victory sex feels great
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
