Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
