I faked an abortion last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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