just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
